Destination: Intoxication!
by Pidgeapodge
Summary: What happens when a person drinks alcohol? The body has consumed alcoholic drinks, and the red blood cells can feel its effects! The neutrophils find themselves having to help the red blood cells get to the liver for detox. Will everything turn out okay?
1. Chapter 1

Inside the human body, 32.7 trillion cells work hard to keep you happy and healthy. Every day, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, no matter what, from the biggest macrophage to the smallest platelet, they are there for you. This is a story of the human body.

In one of the many blood vessels throughout the brain, Red Blood Cell AE-3803 stood at the front of the line and waited for her turn. She carried a basket of nutrients in her arms.

"Next!" shouted an endothelial cell seated behind one of the desks.

She approached the endothelial cell. He was dressed in a pale blue button-down shirt, a black tie, and a dark blue peaked cap. The badge on the front of his cap, above the brim, was shaped like a silver shield emblazoned with a large red X. Above the X, at the top of the shield, the letters "BBB" stood in black. The badge pinned to the front of his shirt was the same. The cell that AE approached wore glasses and had a stern expression. She had to look up at him, since the desk he was sitting at was on a raised platform.

_**The Blood-Brain Barrier**_

_The brain is protected by a special barrier that tightly regulates all movement between the circulatory system and the brain, due to the brain's importance. The endothelial cells of the blood vessels in the brain are tightly squeezed together to prevent any unregulated movement of materials._

"Anything to declare?" the endothelial cell asked.

"Oh, um, just a basket of nutrients being sent to the brain!" AE said nervously.

"Have you confirmed that this delivery is free of any pathogens and toxic material?"

"Yes! I checked… I'm pretty sure, anyway. Wait, let me check again!" AE began rifling through the basket just to make absolutely sure that it was free of any and all banned substances. She squeaked as she accidentally dropped the entire basket. Fortunately, the contents all remained inside.

The endothelial cell looked down at her, frowning. "What are you doing?" he snapped.

"Eek! I'm sorry! I'm just making absolutely, one-hundred-percent sure that-"

"Just… gimme the basket." The endothelial cell held out his hand.

AE promptly picked up the basket and handed it over. "Yessir."

The endothelial cell took the basket and looked through it himself. He even waved a detector wand over it just to make sure nothing was missed. He placed the nutrient basket on a tray beside him and looked back at the nervous, redheaded erythrocyte.

"Your delivery is all clear and will be delivered promptly to the brain. Thank you for your hard work and have a nice day," the endothelial cell deadpanned.

"You're welcome! You too!" AE-3803 turned around and walked away from the desk as quickly as she could. Her chest felt tight, like her insides were constricting. Something about the BBB endothelial cells intimidated her. They had a way of making her second guess her actions, as if she was _intentionally_ trying to smuggle in toxins to damage the brain.

"Next!" called out the endothelial cell as soon as she walked away.

Behind the endothelial cell, the nutrients that AE delivered were placed on a cart and taken by an astrocyte to the brain.

_**Astrocytes**_

_Cells known as "astrocytes" play a role in bringing needed materials, such as oxygen and nutrients, to pass through the Blood-Brain Barrier._

_The name for astrocytes refers to their resemblance to stars _(astro = _star, _cyte = _cell_).

The astrocyte entered the area where the magic happened. Crowded in a large hall, almost like mission control, neurons sat hard at work on their computers. Thick wires cluttered the floor, zooming back and forth between computers and phones on the neuron's desks. While some neurons only had one or two connections to somewhere else, the majority of the neurons had several connections to other neurons, who in turn had several more connections, and so on creating a vast, beautiful web that maintained consciousness and controlled the processes of the body.

The astrocyte stepped carefully over the various wires and approached the neuron the basket was addressed to. He was a lanky cell, dressed simply, in an off-white button down shirt and brown slacks. He paid strict attention to his computer monitor, and was talking with other neurons over his headset.

"Yeah, it looks like that's what it is. I'm forwarding the images to you now- hold on just a sec."

The neuron looked up at the astrocyte and moved his headset microphone away from his mouth. The astrocyte gave him the basket of nutrients, and the neuron grinned.

"Thanks a ton. I'm starving."

The astrocyte tapped the badge pinned to the front of her dark purple blouse. It was a golden five-pointed star enclosed in a silver pentagon; the badge of the astrocytes.

"It's my job!" the astrocyte said cheerfully. The neuron turned back to his computer and took a bite from the sandwich in the basket, while the astrocyte walked away to her next task. If the neuron had been looking, he might have wondered how she could walk so gracefully among the clutter of wires in a pencil skirt and heels. He wasn't looking, though, because he was in the Vision Division. His job was to work with his teammates to help put together images of the outside world using the stream of data sent from the eyes. He didn't have time to look at other cells, when he had to make sure that the body could see!

_**Sensory Neurons**_

_Sensory Neurons are neurons that bring information from the sensory receptors to the brain. Examples of sensory information include sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing, pain, temperature and "proprioception," or the ability to know where the various parts of one's body are in relation to each other. _

The image on his computer monitor showed some bottles of beer on a table. The bottles had green labels, and the words "Qingdao Beer" could be read on them. It was dark, wherever the body was, and the table was surrounded by other people. Glasses were set up in front of them all.

The neuron positioned his headset microphone near his mouth once again. "Alright, that seems good. Let's send this one and get working on the next one."

"Roger that," a voice said in his headset. The Vision Division began working on the next image.

All across the brain, messages and memos were being sent from neuron to neuron. The Decision Division was conflicted. The chat log on their computers, as well as messages being sent over their headsets, telephones, and even passing notes revealed that they did not know which course of action to take. From all of the information that had been received from the eyes, ears, and nose over the course of the afternoon, it was clear that the body was currently in a bar. And it was currently being offered a bottle of beer. The neurons were debating which they should do: accept and drink the beer, or decline?

It would be nice to unwind with friends, the pro-accept side argued. Work had been stressful lately, and a drink with friends would be an excellent way to relax.

The anti-accept side rebutted that the experience of a hangover would not be pleasant. Even if the next day was a Saturday, and the body was off work, it would be quite problematic to suffer the effects of a hangover.

The pro-accept side responded that there would be no problem at all with some self-control. Besides, the friends were offering, and it would be rude to turn down an offer from friends during a social meeting.

This convinced a number of anti-accept neurons, and the Decision Division moved to accept the drink. Despite the majority being for accepting, a number of dissenters voiced their doubts that this would end well. Their concerns were pushed aside, and the order was given to the motor neurons to accept the drink.

And so, the night began, as the motor neurons coordinated orders to the muscles to reach out, grasp the bottle, hold it up, cheer with the friends, bring the bottle to the lips, tip the contents of the bottle into the mouth, and swallow.

0-0-0

On her way to the intestines to pick up more nutrients, AE-3803 ran into her kouhai, NT-4201, at a glucose vending machine. AE ecstatically greeted the younger erythrocyte and went walking with her.

"How's your glucose, Kouhai-chan?" asked AE-3803 excitedly.

NT-4201 sighed internally. For AE to call her "Kouhai-chan" really wasn't correct. It should just be "Kouhai."

Although, as kouhai, she wasn't in a position to correct her senpai, even if her senpai often needed correcting.

"It tastes just fine, Senpai."

"Great! Sometimes, I like to order two different flavors, and mix them together. Have you ever tried that? Sometimes, it's not very good, but the chocolate and strawberry flavors go really well together!"

NT nodded and licked her glucose. She went with her favorite, the lemon flavor. A bit of sour coming through the sweetness, but still delicious. AE continued talking about the various flavor combinations while she licked her strawberry glucose.

Red Blood Cells often think they are lucky to lack mitochondria. This way, they get to enjoy glucose all the time. Each erythrocyte had a sweet tooth, without exception.

The pair made their way to the intestines in order to pick up the nutrients for delivery. NT nodded as AE chattered on and on… and on… and on…

NT respected her senpai. At least, she tried to. Sure, AE was airheaded, and clumsy, and hopeless with directions, but as kouhai, NT knew it was not her place to take the lead. AE was the teacher, and NT was the apprentice. That was the nature of the senpai-kouhai relationship.

Everything came to a head when the body started hemorrhaging on NT's first day, and hypovolemic shock followed soon after. It was then that AE truly went above and beyond the call of duty. NT's klutzy, easily distracted, scatterbrained senpai was gone. In her place was a cell filled to bursting with passion for her job. Someone who was willing to do her duty to the last, for the sake of the body. Even as they were dying of cold in a blizzard, AE refused to give up until she physically could not go any further. NT had given up all hope, but AE never surrendered to despair. She continued to deliver oxygen, because that's what red blood cells do.

That day changed NT's perspective entirely. She developed a deep admiration for her senpai, who embodied the spirit of what it meant to be a red blood cell in that darkest hour. NT could not help but respect her from that point on.

It was just… NT couldn't stand her everyday personality.

AE was so bubbly and cheerful. Many of NT's erythrocyte colleagues thought AE was cute, in an airheaded sort of way. NT, on the other hand, found it grating in large doses. How could someone be so damn happy all the time?

And that was nothing compared to AE's friends. NT could hardly believe it, but AE was friends with a number of neutrophils! In fact, AE had been dating a neutrophil for quite some time now! After an incident with a parasite that attacked red blood cells, AE and her neutrophil apparently realized their feelings for each other. Somehow, they found each other in the eye, confessed their feelings, and kissed. From that point forward, they were officially a couple.

NT was hazy on the details surrounding these events. Ironically, it was one of the few things AE _didn't_ babble constantly about. Even after all this time, if anyone mentioned how she and her neutrophil boyfriend confessed to each other, AE's face would flush redder than her hair, and she'd only share a few details. She was happy to gush about him almost any other time, just not in the context of the beginning of their relationship. NT pieced together the story from the various rumors that had come down the grapevine. The general picture was well-known enough; it was strange to see an erythrocyte and a neutrophil in such a close relationship, so it was natural that gossip passed around even before they started dating.

NT just couldn't understand it. How could her senpai possibly find a neutrophil attractive? They were creepy, with their pale, colorless skin, and the knives strapped to their belts, and the dark red cytoplasm that stained their uniforms after a battle. The way they yelled and screamed for death, the crazed gleam in their eyes as they attacked, the way they seemed to appear and disappear without warning… NT got the chills whenever she thought about them. Sure, she was happy to be protected from germs, but couldn't they do their protecting… elsewhere? Out of sight of the other cells? It was just morbid to kill the germs in public areas, even if they were enemies. It was downright sickening whenever a neutrophil started to _eat_ the gore in plain sight of erythrocytes, normal cells, and even platelets!

NT shivered. She wished she could be as dedicated to her job as AE, but she could not comprehend how her senpai was attracted to those _monsters._

"Are you okay, Kouhai-chan? You shivered. Is your glucose too cold?"

NT shook her head. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me, Senpai."

0-0-0

When they entered the blood vessels of the small intestine, the two erythrocytes ran into a familiar face.

"Senpai!" AE cried out with joy as she waved her own senpai, AA-5100, over to them. NT looked up to AA as well, and not because she was NT's senpai's senpai. No, AA-5100 was the epitome of patience. No matter how many times AE got lost, no matter how much she talked, no matter how much she got distracted, AA was always there, ready to listen, to guide, to help her kouhai out. The only times she got mad was when AE endangered herself, and she only got mad because she cared. She didn't seem to get annoyed like NT; she would have full conversations with AE, while NT only ever gave short replies. AA seemed to actually care for AE as a friend, and the two got along well. NT hoped that one day, she too would have that kind of patience, as opposed to simply bottling up her thoughts and suppressing them deep within her hemoglobin while trying to maintain the thin veneer of professionalism on the surface.

AA-5100 ran over to AE and gave her a big hug. "It's so good to see you!"

When AA let go, she immediately squished AE's face. "Aww, your face is so soft!"

"Shenpai, pleashe don't pinch…" AE struggled to say as she winced. It was difficult to speak when someone was squishing your face.

"But you're so adorable, I enjoy doing it. Plus, it's fun," AA said as she began to pinch AE's cheeks. She grinned mischievously as she felt AE's membrane. "Wow, so soft."

"Shenpaiii…"

NT cringed. AA had a strange habit of pinching the cheeks of other erythrocytes as a sign of affection. If there was one thing NT was glad about, it was that AE hadn't picked up her mentor's habits. Maybe this was because she knew how unpleasant it could feel.

The three began walking down the large, high-ceilinged corridor towards the nutrient processing center, where intestinal epithelial cells were putting together the nutrient baskets.

_**Intestinal Epithelial Cells**_

_Cells lining the intestinal walls responsible for absorbing nutrients from the food into the body, and for keeping foreign invaders and toxic materials out._

They entered the center, which looked a lot like a large food processing factory. Lines of epithelial cells, dressed in aprons, face masks, gloves, goggles, and special hoods that covered their hair stood in lines assembling the nutrient baskets. They would put one ingredient into the basket, then pass it along to the next in a cellular assembly line. At the end, the completed baskets were arranged for pickup.

It was strange that the intestinal epithelial cells covered themselves so thoroughly. After all, even though individual bacteria were small, they were still visible. It wasn't like there were bacteria that were microscopic even from their point of view, so there was really no need to take such precautions. However, the intestinal epithelial cells were responsible for absorbing nutrients and keeping antigens out, so they spared no precaution in their line of work.

The three erythrocytes made their way down to the end of the assembly line, and all three picked up nutrient baskets.

"Alright. This one says it's going to the liver," said AA, looking at the address in the basket.

"Ooh! Mine too!" said AE-3803.

NT checked her basket. "Me three."

"Yay! We can all walk together!" AE cheered.

NT inhaled sharply, but kept silent. Together, they began their journey to the liver.

They barely had gone ten micrometers before the sprinklers in the ceiling suddenly doused everyone below with a strange, sticky brown liquid.

"Ah!" cried NT. "What the hell is this?"

AA wrinkled her nose. "Ugh, it smells awful!"

"Aahh! I got some in my mouth!" AE shouted as she tried to spit out the substance.

It certainly smelled extremely bitter to NT. She had never encountered this substance before.

"Great, now my clothes are all wet!"

NT stamped her foot and huffed. This was not her day. As if trying to remain professional around her senpai wasn't bad enough, now she was doused in this weird liquid, and…

… and…

She suddenly felt strange. Like there was a buzzing in her hemoglobin. She felt a bit warmer, and everything seemed a bit more… vibrant. Colors were brighter. Sounds were louder. Smells were stronger. It was…

… _weird._

_I hate this,_ thought NT. She felt very uncomfortable with all these unfamiliar sensations. She liked knowing what was going on, and having control over her actions. Surprises were unpleasant by default, and unpleasant surprises were almost intolerable.

"Hahaha! Wow, I feel so weird!" giggled AE. "I wonder what's going on?"

_**Alcohol's Effects on the Body**_

_When drinking, one may feel a sensation known as a "buzz." This is the alcohol entering the body. Alcohol consumption can cause less control over movement, slower response time, decrease in judgement and reasoning abilities, and drowsiness, among other side effects._

No sooner had AE asked the question that the sprinklers suddenly turned on again, dousing everybody a second time. Whatever this liquid was, it seemed like the body took another sip of it.

NT shivered, both because of the cold temperature of the liquid, and also because of her growing anger. The buzzing felt more intense, and she could feel her mind clouding up a bit.

"Rrr! Come on, let's just frickin' go," NT grumbled as she stormed ahead.

She really, _really_ hated this.

0-0-0

It had been a rather pleasant day for U-1146. He hadn't encountered anything more threatening than a few platelets while he was out on patrol.

Now, he and his three best neutrophil friends had some free time and decided to take a walk down to the intestines to see what was going on.

They kept to the side of the blood vessels, out of the way of hurrying erythrocytes. U-4989 and U-2626 were playfully roughhousing with each other, while U-2048 affectionately insulted the both of them.

"Settle down, you idiots."

U-2626 looked back at 2048. "Make us."

U-1146 smiled. An outsider might think they were being rude to each other, but they were actually all close enough to do such things without offending each other. Trading comebacks was just another way to show that they care. U-1146 was happy to be part of such a close group, which was often nicknamed "The Squad." They weren't officially a squad, but they had been friends since they were only myelocytes, and often spent time together as adult neutrophils.

The small intestine was a major entry point for germs, so 1146 expected to encounter some kind of bacteria, or a virus, or maybe even a parasite.

He did not expect to find three familiar erythrocytes who were completely lost. Although, considering the frequency he ran into a certain redheaded one, he was hardly surprised either.

"Hakkekkyū-san! Haiiiiiii!" smiled AE-3803 as she cheerfully waved at him. U-1146 was very well-acquainted with her cheerful, enthusiastic demeanor. He thought it was one of the best things about her. But something seemed _off_, and he didn't know what.

"What's that smell?" asked U-4989.

U-1146 sniffed the air. He noticed there _was_ a bitter scent, now that it was pointed out.

"Oh yayy, the neutrophil squad… they can help usss… m'this'll be… funnnn!"

The four neutrophils looked in surprise at AA-5100. She never talked like that. What was going on?

"Yeahhh, you're right, Sennn-paiii! This'll be… sooo much funn!" AE chimed in. Now, 1146 was extremely lost. Why were they slurring their words and pausing so weirdly?

He looked closer at the erythrocytes. Their eyelids were drooping, like they were fighting to stay awake. Not only was their speech weird, they were also swaying side to side, as if they had trouble balancing. Even NT-4201, who was always so professional, was swaying weirdly. She hadn't said anything yet, so 1146 decided it might be a good idea to ask her what's going on.

"NT-san, what is happening? What happened to you all?"

"Shut yer DAMN mouth, ya pale, stabby BASTARD!"

AE looked at her kouhai with shock. "Kouhai-chan, don't be so mean! Hakkekkyū-san is sooooo nice! He's m'boyfriend, heehee!"

"Don't… don't call me Kouhai-chan, you moron, ya don't p-put… _chan_ after _kouhai_!"

U-1146 was taken aback. NT-4201 was always put together, calm, and level-headed. For her to have an outburst like this, then insult her senpai, was beyond what he considered possible for her.

Apparently, he wasn't the only one shocked. Immediately, AE started sobbing uncontrollably. AA, who was standing right next to the bawling erythrocyte, wrapped her in a gentle hug.

"ShhhhhhhHHHhhhh… It's allllll okeeee… you're such a cute li'l kouhai… you're sooo good at… at… at red blood cell-ing… whatever red, uh, red blood cells… do…"

AE continued to cry at her kouhai's harsh words while AA hugged her.

"What the hell is wrong with everyone?" asked an incredulous 2626.

"I knew AE was the emotional type, but I didn't know she was so delicate…" 4989 observed.

U-1146 tugged at the bill of his cap as he tried to figure out what was behind all this. While thinking, he looked towards the floor of the blood vessel, where he noticed a brown liquid in puddles at his feet.

Coming to a sudden realization, he looked up at the erythrocytes again. They were all soaked.

_Brown liquid, wet blood cells, bitter smell, intestines…_ U-1146 quickly put the pieces of information together and looked up.

"Do you think… it might be alcohol?"

His three friends looked at him. One after the other, they all realized what he was saying.

"Oh yeah, that makes sense," said U-2048.

"What should we do?" asked 4989, nervously wringing his hands. He had recently become quite good friends with AE, and he cared about her well-being. She once touched him to tears simply by caring so deeply about U-1146's mental state, and that had actually inspired 4989 to try to calm the fears of the general erythrocyte population regarding the immune cells. As far as U-1146 knew, 4989 had already made one erythrocyte friend other than AE, an auburn-haired cell named AC-4293 that he had saved from a parasite once.

"It's obvious, you dummy, we help take them to the liver for detox!" U-2626 said as he lightly slapped the back of 4989's head.

When she heard the word "liver," AE-3803 immediately stopped crying. "You guys'll… take us to… to the liver?"

Her eyes were still sparkling with tears, but also with apparent hope.

U-2048 grinned. "Of course! After all, we _are_ gentlemen, aren't we?" He bowed slightly.

AE's smile widened. "Yayyyy! Oh, thank you sooo much! You're all _-hic-_ sooooo sweet!"

AA-5100 was looking at the neutrophils in a strange way. "Yeah, you're all _ve-_ry nice!" she said, emphasizing the first syllable of "very."

NT crossed her arms and grumbled.

"Shall we get going, then?" asked 2048.

U-1146 walked over to AE-3803 and took her by the arm. She looked like she was going to tip over any second. She grabbed his arm and leaned on him.

AA-5100 grabbed U-2626 and U-2048's arms. "Lead the way, boys."

U-2626 grinned. "Gladly."

"How can you lead the way with all that hair in your eyes?"

"Shut up, 2048."

U-4989 looked over to NT. "Do you need any hel-"

"DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU FREAK."

NT stormed off ahead of 4989, though still quite unsteady on her feet. U-4989 walked behind the group, making sure no one was about to fall.

It was going to be a long walk to the liver.

* * *

_**Author's Note**_

_AC-4293 is Mira Avis' OC character, first seen in her story _Realisations, _and a major protagonist of the sequel, _Hearts and Minds_. I highly recommend reading them, they are both extremely good! _

Realisations _centers around AE-3803 and U-1146 as they realize their feelings for each other, which was so good I basically want to treat it as canon. Mira is a great writer and a great friend, you should really check her work out!_


	2. Chapter 2

"Attention: all immune cells are asked to keep a high alert for pathogenic activity. Attention: all immune cells…"

The message played on repeat as U-1146 and gang led the erythrocytes to the liver. U-1146 saw a noticeable increase in immune cells. Squads of neutrophils, macrophages, and Killer T Cells ran through the blood vessels, looking for invaders. U-1146 and crew also kept alert, but their sensors never rang once.

_**Alcohol's Effects on the Immune System**_

_The amount of immune cells initially rises after drinking alcohol, before the body realizes it is a "false alarm" and brings the number down using immunosuppressants. _

_Abusing alcohol can result in a low immune cell count, making alcoholics more susceptible to infection. Diseases like pneumonia are both more common and more dangerous for alcoholics. _

"I hope -_hic!_\- I hope that we don't… don't see any germs, nope!"

U-1146 felt Red Blood Cell lean harder on him. She hiccupped again and giggled. The neutrophil's first thought was that the alcohol must be affecting her greatly. His second thought was that her hiccups were really cute.

It was very slow going as the tipsy erythrocytes stumbled and walked at a snail's pace. NT, who refused to allow anyone touch her, fell over at least five times, having no one to lean on. Of course, she found herself struggling to get up, since she wouldn't accept anybody's help.

They were still making their way through the intestines as the sprinklers went off once again. The liquid that doused them this time was clear, and smelled sweet. It was a welcome change from the brown, bitter liquid before.

"Awww, iss raininnng!" AE shouted at the ceiling.

U-1146 looked up at the sprinklers. _What is going on? _he thought.

0-0-0

The debate in the brain took less and less time the more the body drank. According to the visual data, the beer bottle that the body was drinking was nearly finished, and sake was being passed around now by the friends. Some neurons still protested, but they became less and less with each minute that passed.

The upper motor neurons of the brain, however, were beginning to notice some problems. According to reports from the lower motor neurons, the muscles were having difficulty coordinating their movements. These small issues with fine motor control were no big deal at the moment, but if left unchecked there might be bigger problems later. They sent a few emails detailing this development to the interneurons, but so far they hadn't received any replies. They tried not to get too impatient; it was possible that the interneurons were just forwarding the emails to the correct division.

_**Motor Neurons**_

_The motor neurons connect to the muscles and other organs throughout the body, and trigger movement. There are two types of motor neurons: __**upper motor neurons**_ _run from the brain to the spinal cord, while __**lower motor neurons**_ _run from the spinal cord to the various muscles._

_**Interneurons**_

_Neurons that process information within the brain and spinal cord itself, instead of sending or receiving signals from outside the nervous system. They send messages between the sensory and motor neurons, as well as between themselves._

The interneurons, meanwhile, were a little too busy to notice the motor neuron's reports. Some of them made note of them, while others ignored them entirely. The majority of neurons dedicated to consciousness were too busy assessing the social situation outside of the body to pay much attention to the various things going on inside the body.

Surely, nothing bad would happen as long as they were careful to avoid overdoing it. Everything in moderation, after all.

0-0-0

U-1146 had seen AE-3803 cry before.

She had cried when she completed a full circulation by herself.

She had cried when her kouhai expressed admiration for her work ethic.

To say that AE was very emotional would not be inaccurate at all.

Still, 1146 was puzzled when she burst into tears at the sight of some lactic acid bacteria.

"Sekkekkyū-san… what's wrong?"

She tried to get herself under control.

"Wahhhhhhh… -_sniff-_ … They're sooooo cuuuuuuute! Ahhhh…" She began bawling again almost as soon as she had finished her sentence. She knelt down, picked up a red lactic acid bacterium, and squeezed it to her chest.

"Nyu! Nyunyunyu! Nyuuuu!" the bacterium squeaked as it was squished in AE's hug.

The red-haired erythrocyte started crying even harder than she already was, a feat that U-1146 didn't realize was possible.

The bacterium also seemed alarmed. It appeared to be hugging the erythrocyte back with its tiny flippers.

"Nyu, nyunyuu," it chirped in a gentle, comforting manner.

"Waaaaaaaaaah! _-sniff!- _I… I love you too, Nyunyu!" AE sniffled again and managed to hold her composure for a few seconds, until it was too much and the floodgates opened again.

"Waaaaaaaaah!"

Her senpai, AA-5100 immediately let go of the two neutrophils she had linked arms with and approached AE. From behind the inconsolable erythrocyte, AA knelt down and put her arms around AE and the bacterium and wrapped them in a hug.

"Awwwww… don't cry, li'l… li'l Kouhai-chan, 'm juss gon' hug ya so ya feel happy," she said. A group of concerned-looking lactic acid bacteria gathered around them.

"Nyu, nyunyu…"

"Ruru, ru-ru rururu!"

"Nyuuuu, nyunyunyunyu!"

The bacteria appeared to be conversing amongst themselves about the spectacle in front of them. There was a mix of lactic acid bacteria that said "Nyu," who had been with the body for a while, and also were found in snacks like yogurt and cheese that the body consumed in its home land. The others, who said "Ru," had been introduced to the body in yogurt after an infection of salmonella, which was unsuccessfully combated with antibiotics. The antibiotics did not help against the salmonella infection, but it certainly hurt the native population of good bacteria. All of this had happened while the body was on a trip to another land, and it seemed like the differences in language were reflected in the ways the lactic acid bacteria chirped and cooed.

Unfortunately, 1146 had no time to appreciate the cuteness of the moment, as he was trying to calm down AE-3803.

"Ugh, can't ya guys juss… jus get Senpai tah SHUDDUP!" NT shouted, covering her ears. It seemed like alcohol lowered the amount of patience she had for loud noises, like crying. It also seemed like it removed any consideration she had for other's feelings, as well as any filter she may have had on her thoughts.

"Hey, cool it, NT," U-2048 said, looking at her sharply.

NT grumbled and crossed her arms, but besides pouting she didn't make any more protests. All eyes turned to 1146, who crouched down next to the kneeling erythrocytes and gently placed a hand on AE's shoulder.

"Sekkekkyū-san, there's no need to cry," he said, rubbing her shoulder.

She sniffed a few times. "I… I knoooooww… but _-hic!- _but, they're so… soooo _-hic!-_ adorable!"

"I know, and you can pet them later. We have to get to the liver now."

"We'll come back?" She looked up into his eyes.

"Yes. Right after you detox in the liver, we can come right back here and play with the lactic acid bacteria as much as you want."

"As… _-sniff- _…'s m'ch as I want?" Her words were slurring together even more.

"As much as you want."

"Promise?"

U-1146 blinked. "I… yes, I promise."

AE sniffled a few times. She swallowed, and it appeared she had finally managed to stop crying. She looked up at 1146 with the purest, most innocent smile.

"Yer a reeeeeeeal good _-hic!-_ friend, Hak… Kakkyu… Hayuk…" Her smile faltered as she tried to pronounce the correct word. "Haaaah… Hakkekkekkyuuuu-_san_! Heehee!"

"Hahaha, you said his name wrong! It's Hakkakko… Hekkle-yo… Hah… Hakkyun… Hekko-ko… Hekkakkyuu?" AA-5100 cocked her head as she, too had trouble pronouncing the word _hakkekkyū_.

This caused AE to burst into a giggle fit.

"You… you said… 'Hakkokko!' Tha's funny, hahaha!"

AA grinned at her kouhai. "Hukkyu."

"Hakkenkko."

"Hakk… Hah…"

"Hekkokkyo…"

"Ha… Hanky… Hakky"

U-1146 watched the two go back and forth, laughing and smiling and butchering the word for "white blood cell." Neither of them had even gotten up from the ground.

"Um, Sekkekkyū-san, AA-san, we really should get going. Do you need help getting up?"

AE flung herself headfirst towards U-1146 and grabbed fistfulls of the front of his shirt.

"Oof!"

"Mm, thanks! 'm juss so tired, can… canya pick me up, pleeeeeease?"

"I… beg your pardon?"

"Please pick me up, Hakketsu-san. My… my legs are so wiggly. I think they're… jelly, or something." The rambling erythrocyte suddenly looked into his eyes, as if struck with an epiphany. "Doya think a… a witch turned my legs into jelly?"

U-1146 blinked. Straight-faced, he simply said, "I assure you, there are no witches and your legs are fine. Of course I'll help you if you're too tired."

"Yayyyy!"

U-1146 was still crouching and moved to pick AE-3803 up in his arms. He was caught by surprise when the redhead quickly scampered behind him and hopped onto his back.

"Oof!"

"Wheeeee! Piggyback ride!"

U-1146 resigned himself to his fate and stood up, readjusting AE on his back so she didn't fall, lifting with his legs, not his back. He grunted as he stood up. Had she always been this heavy?

U-1146 had picked her up more than once. He picked her up to rush her to safety during the Malaria invasion, where the two first started to truly realize their feelings for each other. He had helped her climb out of a hole she fell into when she didn't see the platelets' construction warnings. He had even caught her from the air as she fell when a scrape wound opened up underneath her feet.

However, the one thing all these incidents have in common was that he was saving her. He was in "rescuer" mode, where he didn't question his actions, he just got them done. So, he never really noticed how heavy AE really was.

U-1146 remembered that red blood cells were full of hemoglobin, for carrying oxygen. Hemoglobin has an iron core, so it actually made sense that despite her short stature and slim frame, she felt much heavier than she looked. She was full of iron.

_I can't believe I caught her with one hand,_ he thought, remembering how he stopped her from falling out of the body. She had been falling so quickly, she could have ripped his arm off!

AA-5100 stood up unsteadily. "Woah, woah!"

U-2408 and U-2626 both ran up to her side and linked their arms with hers.

"Thanks, boys," she said, grinning.

"C'n we jus' _go?_" NT whined.

U-1146 picked up AE's nutrient basket, and the group set off for the liver once again. AE snuggled up on 1146's back, happily humming a song to herself. U-1146 had to admit, he felt quite chivalrous carrying her like this. Not only did he feel like a knight in shining armor, but it was just nice to be so near AE. Her breath was soft and warm on his neck. She placed her head beside his own, on top of his shoulder, and her cheek brushed against his with every step he took.

As they walked, he could feel himself tiring. He thought about how AE carried oxygen deliveries all over the body multiple times a day, every day. She never seemed to get tired or sore, even if she may get lost every now and then. Even though erythrocytes could use carts to carry the oxygen, there were many areas of the body where they had to carry them in their arms, such as the capillaries that were too thin for a cart, and the heart, where too many blood cells were crammed together for carts to be allowed. Coupled with their nutrient deliveries, and the high amount of walking they did every circulation, 1146 supposed the red blood cells had great strength and stamina. He wondered, would she be able to pick him up? What would that feel like?

He let his mind wander a bit, imagining AE-3803 scooping him up in her arms. It was a strange image, and he would have to scrunch himself up in order for her to easily lift him, since he was so much taller and bulkier than she was. Still, it was a cute thought. Maybe he should ask her to try once she had detoxed. Would that be weird?

They walked through the winding blood vessels of the intestines. The micrometers turned into millimeters, the millimeters turned into centimeters, but 1146 barely noticed anything aside from the happy, humming AE-3803.

Finally, the group took a turn and found themselves at the entrance to the liver.

_**The Liver**_

_The largest internal organ in the body, the liver is responsible for filtering harmful substances (such as alcohol) from the blood and breaking them down. It also has functions related to making bile, removing old or damaged red and white blood cells, and making blood clotting proteins. _

A neon sign flashed over the entrance to the liver, welcoming the incoming cells with bright red cursive letters.

The group of six walked underneath the glowing sign. Many erythrocytes flowed into the area, all of them a bit tipsy in some manner.

The apartment buildings the hepatocytes lived in lined both sides of the street. At street level, there were multiple establishments that looked like restaurants and casinos, with flashing neon signs advertising the amenities inside. Macrophages in copper-colored dresses stood by the entrances to the bars, serving as bouncers. They all had large weapons with them, and each of them also had a folded-up net in hand.

_**Kupffer Cells**_

_Kupffer cells are specialized macrophages in the liver. They are responsible for clearing out bacteria, as well as removing old or damaged red blood cells from the bloodstream. _

"Hello, dears!" said a Kupffer Cell as the group approached one of the establishments. "If you'll excuse me, I'll just need to do a quick check-up of the erythrocytes."

U-1146 felt the cytoplasm drain from his face. _Check up?_ His grasp on AE-3803's legs tightened a little. He wanted to protect her.

As if reading his thoughts, the Kupffer Cell giggled. "Don't worry, I'm just making sure no one has any injuries that make them unable to work. Being tipsy doesn't count as an injury."

She had 1146 turn around and visually inspected the erythrocyte on his back. Then, she had AA-5100 and a very grumpy NT-4201 step up.

"Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay… Alright! Everyone is good to go! Just leave the nutrient deliveries in the designated area by the door. Enjoy your visit!" the specialized macrophage said cheerfully.

Sighing with relief, U-1146 entered the restaurant with AE on his back. The others followed.

Inside the establishment was a bar, with tall stools lined up next to the counter. Tables dotted the space around the dance floor, which was already quite crowded with dancing erythrocytes. The erythrocytes weren't wearing their uniforms, instead wearing all kinds of different clothes. Various corridors branched off from the main dining room, with signs showing where they led. _Changing Rooms, Women's Restroom, Men's Restroom, Neutrophil Equipment Replacement, Karaoke, Clotting Proteins._

Waiters and waitresses swerved in between the tables and cells walking around, trays of enzymes and empty glasses in hand. They were casually dressed, wearing jeans and black t-shirts. The t-shirts all had a purple circle on the front, with the words "Hep-py Hour" written in loopy cursive in white inside the logo. Behind the bar, a woman dressed in a white blouse with a black vest, black slacks, a loose black tie was filling up glasses of enzymes. A black fedora with a small brim sat fashionably askew on top of her head.

_**Hepatocytes**_

_Hepatocytes are liver cells that use enzymes to remove and break down harmful substances in the blood. They also synthesize and store proteins, produce cholesterol, phospholipids, and bile salts, and secrete bile. Some of the proteins they produce include certain kinds of coagulation factors._

Above the bartender hepatocyte's head was a chalkboard listing all the different types and flavors of enzyme that could be ordered, as well of various flavors of glucose. Behind her was a shelf stacked with bottles of different amino acids, for the hepatocyte to mix in specific amounts into the necessary enzymes.

"Hello, and welcome! How many are you with today, sir?" a cheerful hepatocyte hostess asked U-1146.

"Oh, um, seven. Seven people," he replied.

"Okay! We don't have any booths open right now, but you can have a seat right over there at the bar. Your servers will be with you shortly."

"Oh, okay, thanks…"

U-1146 had never actually been inside such an establishment, so he wasn't exactly sure what to do once he sat down at the bar. He deposited AE on a stool beside his own, keeping a hand on her back so she didn't topple over.

"Hello! I'll be your server tonight. May I ask how many will be needing enzymes?" a cheerful hepatocyte waitress asked, her smile as bright as the lights on the dance floor.

The erythrocytes were already sitting on the barstools, but they didn't respond.

"Those three," 2626 said, indicating the three red blood cells.

"Okay, I see. Oh, my, you're all wet! Come with me, we'll get you changed and we'll get you your enzymes quickly." The hepatocyte beckoned two other waitresses over to help guide the tipsy erythrocytes.

"Mm? Oh, see ya… Hakkankksu-san…" AE said groggily. She waved to 1146 as she was led away, while AA looked back and winked at the neutrophils. NT was silent.

U-1146 watched as the hepatocytes led the red blood cells towards the corridor labelled "Changing Rooms." As they disappeared, he turned his comrades.

"So… what do we do right now?"

"What we do now, dear Hakkoko-san, is we enjoy ourselves," 2046 grinned.

U-1146 eyed him warily. "This is going to be a whole thing, isn't it?"

"I have no idea what you mean, Hakkoko-san," 2626 chimed in.

U-1146 sighed and rubbed his eyes. It was much less cute when they did it.

0-0-0

The hepatocyte waitresses guided the erythrocytes into the changing area.

"Here, we'll take your wet clothes and get all that alcohol out of them," the waitress guiding AE said gently. One of the erythrocytes, the one with long brown hair and a badge on her beret with the number "AA-5100" started pulling up the hem of her t-shirt. The hepatocyte immediately stopped her.

"What are you doing?"

"I thought… I juss thought we're gonna change?" the erythrocyte slurred.

"Not right here. Come over this way."

Earlier, the erythrocytes that came through were able to change out of their wet clothes easier, but as more alcohol was consumed, and the blood cells got more and more drunk, the hepatocytes had to help them in order to avoid falls and other accidents. Each erythrocyte was led to a little space with a chair, a mirror, hooks to hang clothes on, and a curtain for privacy.

The hepatocyte let her coworkers take the brunette erythrocyte and the black-haired erythrocyte, while she went into one of the changing rooms with the redhead and pulled the curtain shut.

The redhead, AE-3803 by her badge, hummed a happy little song to herself as she sat. The hepatocyte couldn't help but smile. AE's cute little grin was quite infectious.

"If you don't mind, I'll help you undress, and bring you some dry clothes to wear while we're cleaning your uniform, okay?"

"M'kay," sighed AE.

The hepatocyte removed AE's beret and jacket. She took out a small plastic card sleeve from her pocket and pinned it to the jacket. Then, she wrote AE's number on an index card and placed it inside the plastic sleeve. This way, they could make sure that AE would get her jacket back.

"Alright, I'm just gonna check to see what size shirt you are…" she flipped the collar of AE's black t-shirt out and looked at the tag. Women's small.

"Okay, I'll be right back." The hepatocyte left, leaving the curtain closed, and went over to retrieve some clothing choices for the erythrocyte. Since the erythrocytes who came by usually liked to have a bit of fun before leaving, the hepatocytes had a nice selection of non-uniform clothes for them to change into for the time being.

Within thirty seconds, she returned with a new pair of denim shorts and a selection of shirts.

"Would you like to choose which of these you want to wear?"

The redhead looked over at the shirts. "Oooh, pretty!" she sighed.

She grabbed at a green shirt, but the hepatocyte frowned.

"Actually, now that I see it with you, I think it clashes with your hair. Here, try this one."

She handed the redheaded erythrocyte a red and white striped t-shirt with a wide neck, made for an "off-the shoulder" look that was sometimes popular among the red blood cells.

"Oooh, pretty!" AE said with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Here is the shirt and the jean shorts. Now, you're kind of unsteady, so I'm just gonna help you, okay?"

"M'kay."

The hepatocyte helped AE take off her t-shirt and shorts. The redhead was only in her underwear for a second as the hepatocyte, who had lots of experience helping drunk erythrocytes to dress, got her swiftly changed. The hepatocyte stepped back and examined AE.

"You look so cute! What do you think?"

"Wow, 'm all stripey… like… like a candy cane…" Her eyes widened as she turned her gaze from the mirror to the hepatocyte. "Didja turn me into a candy cane?"

The hepatocyte giggled. She had encountered many types of drunk cells, but her favorite type of drunks were the ones who became extremely childlike. "No, silly, you're still a red blood cell."

AE licked her arm, trying to taste if she had become a candy cane. She frowned in disappointment.

"Awww, I wanna be a candy cane… candy's yummy, I like yummy in my tummy…"

"Come on, let's get you out to your friends. We should have your clothes cleaned up within an hour."

She pinned AE's number to her discarded shirt, jeans, and gloves, and gave AE a fresh pair of socks to put on. Once AE had put on her socks and sneakers, the hepatocyte took her by the hand, and led her back to the neutrophils she came in with. The other two should be finishing up as well, if they hadn't already.

0-0-0

"No, no way. They're way too small." U-2048 said.

"But they spend all day lifting boxes and carrying things, on foot, around the body," 1146 pointed out.

"But boxes are just boxes. Absolutely no way for a red blood cell to lift a whole white blood cell."

"Yeah, I'm having trouble picturing that too," 2626 chimed in.

"I dunno, I feel like I remember seeing AE nearly fall down a hole that the platelets were still working on. She grabbed onto the edge with her hands, and she caught the cart of oxygen with her legs," 4989 said. "You'd have to be pretty strong in order to do that."

The bartender smirked and shook her head as she cleaned out a glass. These idiots must have really boring lives if they could get so worked up about the limits of erythrocyte strength.

"What do you think, miss? It would be nice to get an outside opinion." 2048 addressed the bartender.

"I think you fellas have some very interesting erythrocyte friends, if they're worth all this arguing about."

U-1146 and U-4989 nodded, seeming to agree with this sentiment. U-2626 made no answer either way, and 2048 just shrugged.

The bartender saw a red curl moving around in her peripheral vision, remembering the red blood cells that the neutrophils came in with.

"Speaking of…"

The neutrophils turned around, and the bartender saw them go speechless for the first time that night.

The redheaded erythrocyte returned wearing a red-and-white striped off-the-shoulder shirt. The brunette erythrocyte had changed into a blue sequined tank top. The black haired one… the black haired one still just had a plain black t-shirt. The bartender shrugged and continued to clean the glass. Not everyone liked to get dressed up.

"Hankokku-san! Loooook!" shouted the redhead. She let go of the hepatocyte guiding her and almost fell onto U-1146.

"Whoa!" He caught her before she fell.

"Hakkenko-san. Look!" she said in a stage whisper, loud enough for the bartender to hear. "I'm a candy cane!"

"A… candy cane." The neutrophil smiled softly.

"Yeah. The waitress did it… I think… I think she's magic!"

The bartender chuckled and looked at her "magical" coworker, who also smiled. The child-like drunks were the bartender's favorite, too.

The brunette and black-haired erythrocytes also sat down at the bar, next to the redhead. Three erythrocytes on one side, four neutrophils on the other.

The bartender put on her "customer service" voice.

"Okay, your enzymes are coming right up!"

She put down the glass she was cleaning and began mixing amino acids into three other glasses. Soon, they were filled with a blue-ish, sparkly liquid.

"Oooh, pretty!" said the redhead. She picked up one of the glasses and sipped it. Her face immediately scrunched up. "Blech! Iss not yummy!"

The brunette also took a sip. "Egh! Whyssis sooo… bitter… blah!"

The black-haired erythrocyte took a much longer sip than the other two. "I want glucose."

All four of the neutrophils looked at each other with worried expressions.

The bartender motioned to the menu. "We have lots of flavors. Strawberry, lemon, green tea, mochi, chocolate…"

"Jus' want glucose!"

"I'm listing the flavors!"

"GLUCOSE!"

The bartender blinked. _Oh no, a belligerent one, _she realized.

She quickly scooped out some plain, unflavored glucose for the grumpy red blood cell. Handing it over, she decided to suggest something.

"Why don't you all try out a karaoke room? It'll be a lot of fun, and you can distract yourselves from the bitter taste. Plus, all-you-can-eat glucose!"

The redhead and brunette both brightened up and looked at each other. Then, the redhead turned around to face U-1146, who was sitting to her left.

"Hakki-kyu-san! That sounds _-hic!- _so fuuun! Let's-ah… let's go!"

She stood up and started tugging on the neutrophil's arm, leaving her enzymes on the table.

"C'mon c'mon c'monnnn!" she squealed.

"Woah, Sekkekkyū-san, we don't have to-"

"But it sounds so funnnn! C'mon, les'go!"

The neutrophil got up from his seat and began following the excited erythrocyte, but he looked back at his colleagues with a face that said "_Help me."_

The brunette red blood cell slid over into the neutrophil's now empty seat, next to U-2626. "I'd like to sing a li'l, too," she said.

If the bartender wasn't mistaken- and she was _never_ mistaken- the brunette sounded a bit flirtatious.

"That does sound like a lot of fun," said U-4989.

"Sure, why not?" said U-2626. "Yo, 1146! Wait up!"

The redhead and 1146 hadn't gotten very far, but they paused as the rest of the group got up to join them.

"_Ugggh! _Guys, are you juss leavin' me? I don't even wanna sing. Ugh, dammit."

Despite her verbal protests, and the fact that no one had even asked her to join, the black haired erythrocyte also got up to join the group. She took her glass of enzymes with her.

"Yo. Yo! Guys!" the bartender shouted to the group. "Remember to take the enzymes!"

U-1146 and 4989 returned to take AE and AA's glasses with them. U-1146 was frowning and looking at the ground.

"Why the long face?" asked the bartender.

"Oh, I uh… I just don't like… singing… when others are watching…"

"Hankooyu-san!" called the redhead.

"You'll be fine. Happy singing, eyepatch-bangs."

U-4989 tried to stifle his laughter, while 1146 looked confused. "Eyepatch… bangs?"

The fluffy-haired neutrophil took U-1146 by the arm and led him back towards the group. "Come on, Hakkoko-san, we have some singing to do."

1146 closed his eyes.

"I don't have time for all of these nicknames."

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_I had so much fun writing the drunk red blood cells. I thought about what personalities they would have when drunk, and how they would interact with the other characters. This entire story is actually inspired by a chapter from Devin Trinidad's story, _Red Blood Cell: Sighted! _I highly recommend that you check it out, it's a very cute fic!_

_I wrote about the lactic acid bacteria before in my story _沙门菌不好: Salmonella Isn't Good_, where the body travels to China and eats some undercooked meat. The salmonella bacteria it is infected with are not affected by antibiotics, but the lactic acid bacteria are. After healing, the body eats some yogurt while still in China to replenish its good bacteria. I made the new bacteria say "Ru" because the Chinese word for lactic acid bacteria, _"乳酸菌," _is pronounced _"rǔsuānjūn." _The original bacteria say "Nyu" because the Japanese word for lactic acid bacteria, which is also written as _"乳酸菌" _in Kanji, is pronounced _"Nyūsankin." _The lactic acid bacteria in Volume 5 of the manga say "Nyu," so I thought it would be appropriate that Chinese lactic acid bacteria would say "Ru." This was just a fun callback to my previous story, and if you want to read it as well I would greatly appreciate it! (Though it is not necessary to read that one to understand this one)._

_I hope you enjoy! :)_


	3. Chapter 3

The group crowded into the private karaoke room.

_**Karaoke**_

_In Japan, Karaoke is often done in private rooms for groups of friends or colleagues. The style of karaoke where one stands up on a stage in front of strangers is available, but not as common. _

AE-3803 clapped her hands happily. "What'll we sing?" she asked.

A large sofa placed against the back wall provided a place to sit, while the screen set in the front wall had the karaoke menu. Various tabs advertised different genres: rock, pop, rap, metal, blues, jazz, and more, in multiple languages. The hepatocytes kept the source of their song choices a closely guarded secret, but the rumors that they were songs the body itself heard before from the outside world were bolstered by the section labeled "earworms," filled with annoying, repetitive, and almost always incomplete fragments of songs.

Earworms aside, if these were songs that the body had listened to, then it seemed that the body had an excellent and varied taste in music.

U-1146 tugged on the bill of his cap. Ever since Basophil had walked in on him jamming out to a karaoke tape on a boom box, 1146 avoided singing altogether. Despite the impression his tough, aloof exterior gave off, he actually felt self-conscious about his singing voice.

It didn't help that Basophil started waxing philosophic about the beauty of music, or that Dendritic Cell caught the moment just before 1146 noticed Basophil in a photograph.

"What's wrong, Hakkoko-san?" 2048 asked.

U-1146 thought this nickname joke was wearing _very_ thin. "Nothing," he replied quickly, turning his thoughts away from that memory.

"What should we siiiiiiiing?" asked AE for the second time.

"Oh, I know!" 2626 chimed. "Why don't you and 1146 sing a duet?"

If 1146 could possibly get any paler, he would have. "I, uh, I don't think-"

He was cut off by AE's gasp of wonder. "Hokkenki-san, I loooooove it! Lessee…" She began tapping buttons on the karaoke menu.

U-1146 glared at 2626, who sat down on the couch and grinning triumphantly.

"Ohh, Kankenkyu-san, I found… _-hic!-_ I found a good song! C'mon!"

Music started playing and AE grabbed a microphone. The other microphone sat on the table, and 1146 made no move to take it. He only stared at it, as if daring it to force him to sing.

"Come on, sing!"

"You can do it!"

"I'm sure you have a lovely voice!"

"Don't leave her to sing it alone!"

"Sing, Hakkoko-san!"

At the urging of his friends, he took the microphone and looked at AE. The intro to the song continued to play as the lyrics appeared on the screen. AE bobbed her head from side-to-side.

Four dots appeared above the lyrics to count down to the beginning of the song. Three dots. Two dots. One…

AE looked to the lyrics and began singing.

"_Tale as old as time,_

_True as it could be._

_Barely even friends,_

_Then somebody bends,_

_Unexpectedly…"_

AE had chosen this song for them to sing together. The title on the monitor said the song was called "Beauty and the Beast."

U-1146 let her sing first. Her voice was soft and sweet, and even though she was still slurring her words a little bit, she managed to enunciate nicely. She looked intently at the screen so as not to lose her place.

The lyrics for the next stanza appeared on the screen. U-1146 could hear his friends whisper-shouting at him to sing. Steeling himself, 1146 gulped, lifted the microphone to his mouth, and, wincing, began to sing the next part.

"_Just a little change…_

_Small to say the least."_

His voice was deep and smooth as he sang. Suddenly, at the next lyric, AE joined him, her soft, soprano voice complementing his baritone nicely.

"_Both a little scared,_

_Neither one prepared,_

_Beauty and the Beast."_

The others began applauding and whooping loudly for the two. Even NT, who had been sulking in the corner, looked somewhat impressed.

"Damn, 1146, you never told me you had such a good voice!" 2626 called out.

U-1146 didn't have much time to enjoy the praise, as the next verse was coming up. He was still feeling nervous, but he pushed it aside and tried to focus on singing with AE. It was only a short while before he tuned all the background noise out. His voice grew stronger and surer, singing directly to AE, everything else melting away to nothingness.

It was a sweet song, and over much too quickly, 1146 thought. He and AE sang the final words of the song together, softly, as the last notes faded out.

_Tale as old as time,_

_Song as old as rhyme,_

_Beauty and the Beast._

U-1146 heard uproarious applause as his neutrophil buddies gave him a standing ovation. He blushed, suddenly aware of all the attention on him.

"Hekkyuku-san, that was amaziiiing! You sing super good!" AE said. She staggered over to him, pulled him into a hug, and jumped up to give him a little peck on the cheek.

"Aww, you guys are too adorable!" U-4989 said, squishing his own face.

"Get a room!" called U-2626.

"Alright, who's next?" asked U-1146, eager to sit down.

"Oooh, oooh, I'll go!" 4989 said. He jumped up from the sofa he was sitting on and took the microphone from 1146.

AE and 1146 sat down on the sofa with the others, as U-4989 looked through the different songs available on the machine.

"Oooh, this one looks good!"

0-0-0

The neurons were having problems. The body had consumed a large amount of alcohol, and reports were flooding in from the motor neurons that fine motor control was having major problems, and even gross motor control was beginning to malfunction.

_**Gross Motor Control**_

_Control of the large muscles needed for large, general movement, such as running or climbing. As opposed to fine motor control, which is the control of smaller muscles for small, precise movement, such as writing or sewing. _

Emails and memos were being sent from neuron to neuron, but the network was lagging. Messages did not get delivered as quickly as before.

The sensory neurons had to work harder to piece together information comprised of fewer bits of data. Audio information came in muffled, and it was hard to make any sense out of the information headed to the Touch Division. All that the Vision Division could make out was that the body's head was placed on the table, and looking at a bottle labelled "Red Star Vodka: True Russian." Most of the rest of the image was blurry, and they could only read the words on the bottle because it was close to the body's face and printed in large characters.

The Decision Division barely even discussed what choices to make. Though some dissenters tried to keep things running smoothly, the majority seemed content to act on the first proposed impulse without thinking through the consequences. They sent commands to the motor neurons about what to do without even thinking through most of these decisions.

The Memory Division, meanwhile, noticed that it was becoming difficult to save information. Their computers seemed to lag, and they got nervous. The more the body consumed alcohol from this point on, the greater the possibility of a blackout.

_**Blackout**_

_Alcohol affects the entire body, including the brain, while it is present in the bloodstream. Drinking too much alcohol in too short an amount of time can lead to blacking out. Contrary to popular belief, alcohol does not erase memories in a person who has blacked out; it prevents new memories from being stored at all. In other words, the brain is not "recording," even if the person is still awake and doing things. _

A number of neurons tried to send warning messages to the Decision Division, but their emails did not go through. Thanks to the Decision Division's impulsive actions, the body lost all inhibition.

The sensory neurons, who were not involved directly in the decision making process, sighed a breath of relief when the sensory data indicated that the body had its most recent drink taken away from its hand. The Vision Division neurons saw that the vodka bottle got taken off the table as well.

Still, the brain was in chaos. With signals being slow to send or not going through at all, unless something was done soon, the body was in trouble. It might already have been too late.

_**Alcohol Poisoning**_

_When the body consumes a lethal dose of alcohol, it is called alcohol poisoning. It is possible to still be awake and drink a lethal dose, as the alcohol must first go through the stomach into the intestines, then into the bloodstream. Signs of alcohol poisoning include confusion, vomiting, seizures, slow or irregular breathing (even down to eight breaths per minute), blue skin, hypothermia, and loss of consciousness. One does __**not**_ _have to display all these symptoms to have alcohol poisoning, and if someone is suspected to have alcohol poisoning, it is crucial to call for medical help right away, even if the person is still awake._

There wasn't any time to sit around worrying. The neurons had to do as much as they could to keep the body functioning and healthy. The sensory neurons received information that indicated the body was offered food. The Decision Division swiftly approved the motion to accept and eat the food, and the upper motor neurons sent the order to the lower motor neurons for the muscles to commence the necessary actions. Of course, due to the difficulty sending messages, the orders to the muscles were very uncoordinated.

As the body struggled to eat the food that it had been given, it did not notice the tiny invaders on the food. The chef who made it really should have washed his hands after using the bathroom. None of the neurons noticed the tiny invaders either, since the body's sensory organs were not fine-tuned enough to sense the microscopic.

The body took a bite of the food it was offered, chewed sloppily, and swallowed. The invaders entered, unseen and undetected.

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**

_I hope you all enjoy this karaoke scene! I love going to karaoke with friends, it's so much fun. I also hope you enjoy the song choice! :)_


	4. Chapter 4

In the liver, the cells were enjoying themselves at karaoke.

"_Kami-sama arigatou!_

_Unmei no itazura demo!"_

U-4989 was having the time of his life singing a very upbeat song at the top of his lungs. The lyrics were from the perspective of a girl with a crush, much to the group's amusement. According to the karaoke machine, the title of the song was called "Renai Circulation."

AE-3803 clapped and cheered for her friend as he passionately finished the song.

"_Demo sonnan ja dame,_

_Mou sonnan ja hora!_

_Kokoro wa shinka suru yo_

_Motto, motto!_

_Sou sonnan ja ya da,_

_Nee sonnan ja mada!_

_Watashi no koto mitete ne_

_Zutto zutto!"_

U-4989 finished the song by posing with two fingers extended in a "peace" sign over his eye. The group laughed and cheered, applauding his performance.

_U-4989 always was the most outgoing,_ thought 1146. Even when they were myelocytes, 4989 always liked to have fun. He didn't care what other people thought of this fun, from fellow myelocytes saying that he's too silly to neutrophil teachers taking away his improvised weapons; nothing ever seemed to get the fluffy-haired neutrophil down.

U-1146 was pleasantly surprised by the fun he was having. Once they got past the first song, it was actually a lot of fun taking turns singing with his friends. AE kept picking very cute, upbeat songs, 2626 and 2048 picked very fast, adrenaline-pumping songs, and 4989 consistently picked the funniest songs. Either the songs themselves were funny, or the fact that 4989 was singing them was funny.

After all, a grown man dressed in a police uniform with knives strapped to his legs singing a cutesy song from the perspective of a lovesick schoolgirl trying to work up the courage to confess her feelings was quite an unusual sight.

He looked around the room. NT had slinked away unnoticed a while ago without singing anything. AA sat laughing with the others, occasionally sipping on her enzymes and making a face at the taste. Once 4989 sat down, she didn't get up to sing, a fact that made 1146 glad. For every song she performed, she was offbeat and tone-deaf, and her voice reminded 1146 more of knives scraping against metal than anything resembling singing. Fortunately, she didn't get up to sing very often.

AE was laughing with 4989, clearly having enjoyed his performance. U-1146 grinned a little at the sight. He saw AE smiling wide, filled with enthusiasm, and the sight made him happy too.

He noticed her clothes for the millionth time that night. He only ever saw her in her erythrocyte uniform: a red jacket over a black t-shirt and a floppy red cap. The only time he could remember not seeing her in uniform was when the body was suffering from heat stroke. Almost all of the red blood cells took off their jackets and caps that day, and some even took off their shirts. When he ran into AE, she had her jacket tied around her waist, her cap tucked away, and the sleeves of her black t-shirt rolled up to the shoulders. She had even put away the white gloves that red blood cells almost always wore.

U-1146 wasn't paying much attention at the moment, since he was suffering from the intense heat and trying to pursue a germ as well, on top of trying to keep his friends cool. It was only after the mysterious rain came from the sky and he killed the germ that he noticed AE's clothes, while they were resting together on a bench.

AE's current outfit wasn't much different than what she wore that day. Like always, she wore denim shorts, black socks, and red sneakers. The shirt she was wearing didn't reveal much more than she did during the heat stroke, when she rolled her sleeves up.

Still, 1146 found it hard to look away from her. He always thought she was beautiful, but there was something captivating about seeing her in clothes she did not normally wear. The shirt's red and white stripes complemented her red hair very nicely. The neckline was wide, but not deep. The shirt kept her covered while revealing her shoulders, bare except for the black bra straps coming from underneath the shirt.

U-1146 often blushed whenever he thought about AE's appearance during the heat stroke, and he blushed now as well. She was the same AE, the same red blood cell he knew and loved. It wasn't even like she was wearing a revealing shirt. So why did showing a little shoulder make his mitochondria dance like this? He tugged at the bill of his cap down and looked at the ground.

_Get ahold of yourself,_ he thought. _Of course AE is beautiful. Everything about her is. Her passion for work, her innocence. Her warm, brown eyes. That cute little curl that just won't stay down. Her soft membrane. The way her shoulders- _

He shook his head, trying to shake the thought away. He didn't know why he felt so strange noticing these things, but he did. He glanced at AE again. She was still as beautiful as she was the last time he looked, and once again he found his gaze drawn to her thin, pale shoulders, as well as her collarbone. He looked away quickly. Was he being weird?

As he tried to think of something else, 1146 noticed that no one was singing. Looking around the room again, he could see that everyone was sitting down, and the screen on the wall was playing a random song. He sat up straighter.

"If everyone's done singing, should we go back out? I think we might want to look out for NT."

AE looked up. "Kouhai-chan! I hope… she's alright, I don' wunn'er to get lost!" she slurred.

"She seems like a capable red blood cell, I'm sure she'll be fine," said 2048.

AE's face dropped. "Yeah… she's… she's the best! The best… best red blood cell 'round… better'n me, I can't… I can't do anything right…" Her eyes brimmed with tears.

U-1146 walked over to where she was sitting, crouched down, and enveloped her in a hug. "Don't say that. Just because you have trouble sometimes, doesn't make you a bad red blood cell. If anything, the fact that you keep going even when you have problems makes you a great red blood cell!"

AE looked up at him. "Really?"

"Really."

AA-5100 stood up from the couch and stretched.

"I wanna dance! Lessgo!"

She wobbled out of the karaoke room, leaving her half-empty enzymes behind. U-4989 picked it up and followed her out.

"Yo! AA-chan! You left your enzymes!" As he left, the other two neutrophils followed behind.

U-1146 looked at the small table, where AE's enzymes sat. She hadn't even drunk half.

He sighed. Releasing AE from the hug, he picked up the glass and gave it to her, sitting down on the couch next to her.

"Sekkekkyū, you're going to need to drink your enzymes."

AE shook her head. "No! I don't wanna! Yucky!"

U-1146 didn't want to play the "bad guy," but he knew AE needed to drink the enzymes. "Come on, Sekkekkyū-san. Please drink just a little more. For me?"

He looked her in the eyes, and her lip trembled. They were silent for a moment. Then, she sighed.

"M'kay. For you."

AE took the cup in her hands and slugged it back, catching 1149 by surprise. She chugged the glass, finally slamming it onto her lap when she finished.

"Ugh. Blecky," she said.

U-1146 blinked. He only wanted AE to drink a little more, so that she could finish over the course of her time at the liver. He did not expect her to finish it all in one go.

AE leaned over and flopped against the neutrophil's chest, interrupting his thoughts. She snuggled against him, an adorable little smile on her face.

"Love ya, Hokkinkko-san."

U-1146 wrapped his arms around her and smiled. They slowly stood up together, AE still holding onto 1146 and leaning on him for support. He placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Love you too, Sekkekkyū-san."

0-0-0

As more alcohol came into the bloodstream, more erythrocytes headed towards the liver. Many carried nutrient baskets, made from the freshly digested food that the body had consumed recently.

The red blood cells didn't notice the extra passengers in their baskets. Since they lacked nuclei, erythrocytes could not be infected by viruses. If any did notice the hitchhikers in their baskets, they thought the strange, multifaceted orange objects were just some weird new nutrient.

As the red blood cells came to the various places in the liver, they left their nutrient deliveries at the door. All throughout the journey, the viruses infected other cells, especially hepatocytes. Although they looked like multi-sided dice while in the baskets or floating around, the viruses were very good at hiding when infecting cells. They didn't attach to the head, but instead they attached at the base of the neck and basically unfolded underneath the newly infected cell's clothes, effectively hiding themselves from the Kupffer Cells all over the liver.

Unfortunately for the body, the liver was just the place for these viruses to thrive. The red blood cells had unwittingly brought the viruses to the very place they would do the most damage.

At the moment, though, they didn't know that. They just put down their deliveries and entered the liver to detox, many of them looking forward to dancing or singing karaoke.

0-0-0

U-2626 dropped into a seat at the table where U-2048 was sitting. He was completely worn out.

"Woo! AA-5100 sure can dance!" he said to U-2048.

"Yep. I never knew she could be so laid-back!" 2048 replied. "There's a lot of cuties on the dance floor."

U-2626 took a drink from a glass of water, before looking over to his colleague.

"I didn't realize you had a thing for red blood cells!"

U-2048 shrugged. "I guess 1146 and 4989 have been rubbing off on me. Besides, no sense in denying that there is beauty to be found in a great many cells."

"Now that you mention him, I wonder where 4989 is," said 2626, looking around.

"He slipped out about fifteen minutes ago, then he came back. He's with that auburn-haired red blood cell again. Her designation is AC-4293, I think. To your right, five tables over."

U-2626 looked over in the direction 2048 pointed out, and saw his fluffy-haired friend indeed was sitting at a table with an auburn-haired erythrocyte. She wore a black t-shirt and denim shorts, and she looked like she was sleeping on his chest.

Grinning, 2626 looked back at 2048. "Looks like he's occupied."

AA wobbled into the table they were sitting at, nearly spilling their water.

"Whoa!"

"Hey boyyyys, y'aren't done dancing yet, hmm?" AA slurred. "S'juss 'm feelin' soooo lonelyyyy…"

"There's literally tons of red blood cells on the dance floor," 2626 pointed out.

"But none as cute. As. You!" she said, booping him on the nose.

Immediately, 2626's face flushed a bright pink. 2048 chuckled.

"Whassat? Don't worry, there'sss… enough to share…" AA said to 2048, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

U-2048 grinned. He looked over at a frowning 2626. 2048 couldn't see his eyes, but something told him that 2626 was not happy that he had to share the attention.

Suddenly, a male erythrocyte approached. He staggered up to the table, unsteady on his own two feet.

"Heyyyyy… these, uh, these neutrophils're botherin' you?"

"A bit, they never said yes to dancing with meeee!"

The male erythrocyte looked at her. "Well, tha'ss not nice! -_hic!_\- Why doncha… dance with me, hm?"

"Sure! Lessgo!"

AA grabbed the male erythrocyte's hand, and together, they were off.

"Wow," 2626 said. "That was… something."

"Something tells me she's a little bit of an extrovert," 2048 said, turning his attention back to his water. He looked up, and froze.

"Uh-oh, looks like we got trouble."

"What?" 2626 turned around to where 2048 was looking.

The Killer T Cells had arrived.

0-0-0

"Alright, keep yer eyes open. We're on high alert!" the blond-haired Memory T Cell commanded.

"YES SQUAD LEADER!"

The two neutrophils made their way over to the Killer T Squad. "Is there a problem here, Killer T?"

"_Hey!_ Don't you see my hat?! It's _Memory _T to you!" shouted Memory T.

"Sorry about that, I forgot," said U-2626.

U-2048 looked askance at him. "Is that supposed to be a joke?"

"Is what supposed to be a joke?"

"You know what, never mind." U-2048 turned back to Memory T. "What's going on here?"

"If you weren't so busy chumming it up with non-immune cells, you would have known!" shouted Memory T.

"Excuse you, we were looking out for the safety of our fellow cells!" 2626 shouted.

"You're killers! Not platelets! If you really want to look out for your fellow cells, look out for germs that'll infect them!"

"Speaking of which, where _are_ the germs? You guys don't come out unless you get orders," 2048 interjected.

"Haven't you been paying attention? The whole body's on high alert for germ activity!"

At that moment, a call came in from the Killer T Squad's radios.

"All units, please return to base. This was a false alarm. I repeat, a false alarm. All units, please return to base. This was a false alarm…"

Memory T narrowed his eyes and looked at the two neutrophils before him. He growled menacingly.

The neutrophils, meanwhile, didn't look at him, but at NT-4201, who was returning from the bar with another glass of enzymes and some water. Memory T had his back to her, and the multitude of Killer T Cells blocked her path.

"Don't think this means anything, you two…" Memory T said, pointing at 2048 and 2626.

"Excuse me," NT croaked from behind him. Her voice was hoarse, and Memory T didn't hear.

"You always gotta be looking out. You never know when a germ will attack!"

"Excuse me," NT croaked again, a little louder.

"So you better quit chumming it up with non-immune cells, and focus on doing your job! I'm sick of - EEEEEEEEEEE!"

Memory T collapsed to the ground, squealing like a tea kettle, hands over his crotch. The erythrocyte that had kicked him swerved around his curled-up form, glaring at him murderously.

"'S not nice to ignore people when they say 'SCUSE ME!" slurred NT.

The other Killer T Cells glared in shock. Of course, red blood cells were incapable of defending themselves against germs, but she hadn't been defending herself. She had kicked him from behind in a very… sensitive area. Memory T would be fine, but that didn't stop every male onlooker from inhaling sharply at the sight.

U-2626 knelt down over the defeated Memory T Cell. "What was that about 'always being on high alert?'"

0-0-0

"Damn it. Damn it. DAMMIT!" shouted a neuron in the Memory Division. She smacked the keyboard of her computer frantically.

"What's wrong?" asked a passing astrocyte.

The neuron said nothing. She turned the computer monitor to the astrocyte, showing an almost completely blank blue screen. In the very center, small white characters gave an extremely unhelpful error message.

_:(_

_This device has encountered a problem._

"It appears your computer has encountered a problem," the astrocyte said, smirking.

"No shit! It couldn't at least give any troubleshooting instructions? Any suggestions? Any hint of what to do? How the hell am I supposed to save important information if my computer decides to be an unhelpful piece of shit!" The neuron slammed the keyboard onto the desk.

"Please, tell me how you really feel about this," sighed the astrocyte, shaking her head.

"Ugh." The neuron put her head on her desk.

It wasn't just the one neuron. The entire brain was in chaos as neurons worked to send messages to each other and the rest of the body.

The power shut off without warning, and the emergency lighting came on. The neuron looked up.

"No, no no no! We've lost consciousness!"

The astrocyte cocked her head. "Isn't that a good thing? Now the body can rest!"

The neuron began to frantically write things down on a memo pad. "No, this is a very, very bad thing! We've yet to reestablish contact with the various reflex centers! If the body vomits, it could choke to death!"

The astrocyte paled. "Oh, no…"

"Even if that doesn't happen, the body won't be properly rested by tomorrow. All the alcohol it consumed will prevent REM from taking place. No matter how long it's asleep, the body will be very tired when it wakes up!"

"What can we do?" asked the astrocyte.

The neuron lowered her head. "There's nothing we can do. Neurons like me will be doing all they can just to keep this place somewhat functional. Until the liver filters out more of the alcohol, all we can do is hope that we're safe and that someone turns the body on its side so we don't choke."

_**Loss of Consciousness due to Alcohol Consumption**_

_Passing out from alcohol is extremely dangerous. It can be impossible to rouse someone who has alcohol poisoning, so it is important to keep someone who is suspected to have or who has alcohol poisoning awake for as long as possible until professional medical help arrives. If that is not possible, or the person was found passed out, they should be turned so that they are lying on their side; alcohol weakens or temporarily disables one's reflexes, including the gag reflex, so if someone who has passed out from alcohol vomits while on their back, the vomit will not be expelled and the person will choke. Laying the person on their side lessens this possibility. There are many cases of people who choked to death on their own vomit after passing out from drinking. _

_If someone is found unconscious, beyond turning them on their side, professional medical assistance should be called immediately. Someone should stay with the unconscious person until help arrives, to monitor them and help prevent them from dying._

The astrocyte covered her mouth with her hand. She desperately hoped everything would be okay. They had to be? Right?

* * *

_**Author's Note: **_

_I figured 4989 would be the kind of person to go crazy at karaoke to entertain his friends. Fun fact: the voice of AE-3803 (in the original Japanese version), Kana Hanazawa, is also the singer of "Renai Circulation!" :)_

_Note: I have updated this chapter to make the confrontation between NT and Memory T more realistic within this universe. In my previous version, NT beat Memory T up, which opens up questions about why red blood cells can't defend themselves. In this updated version, she just catches him off-guard in a painful way, much like how in the anime's Episode 6/the manga's chapter 7 _(Erythroblasts and Myelocytes)_, a young AE-3803 catches the _Pseudomonas _bacterium off-guard by throwing her beret into its eye, which hurts, but is non-fatal and doesn't stop him for long._


	5. Chapter 5

U-1149 sat with AE-3803 in one of the booths.

"Hankenkkyu-san, couldja gemme some… some water? M'throat's dry…"

U-1146 nodded. "Of course. Stay right here."

He exited the booth and made his way to the bar through the thick crowd. There seemed to be even more erythrocytes than when they first came in. U-1146 wondered how much alcohol had been consumed.

He even saw a squad of Killer T Cells grouped around their leader, Memory T Cell. Memory T Cell laid across several chairs on his side. He appeared to be holding a frozen, wrapped-up glucose treat to his crotch. U-1146 didn't know what that was about, and he quickly decided that he didn't want to know, either. He continued on his way.

_Was there a germ attack?_ wondered 1146. He didn't think so. His receptor wasn't going off, but he kept his eyes and ears open just to be sure. AA-5100 was on the dancefloor, looking quite at home with the group of erythrocytes she had joined. Both 2626 and 2048 were in opposite corners of the room, looking out for trouble. He thought he had seen 4989 go into a booth with a sleepy-looking, auburn-haired erythrocyte. NT was slumped face-first on a table in a different booth, out cold.

U-1146 ordered a bottle of water from the bartender hepatocyte and returned to AE, only to see her sobbing uncontrollably.

"Sekkekkyū-san, what's wrong?"

The bawling blood cell held up a torn napkin.

"I don't understand," said 1146.

It took AE several tries to be able to speak, but she managed to take a gulp of breath and tell him what was wrong.

"I killed it!"

She began wailing anew after confessing her deed.

U-1146 blinked. "Sekkekkyū-san, you didn't kill anything. It's a napkin. Um, here is your water."

He placed the water bottle in front of her. She gulped a few times, got control of her breathing, wiped her eyes with the torn napkin, and promptly forgot about it. She opened the water bottle and began sipping on it, accidentally spilling some on the table.

"Hanko-san, I'm sleepy." she said. U-1146 could see that she was struggling to keep her eyes open.

"It's okay if you try to rest. I'll be right here."

_Bing!_

U-1146's receptor went off.

He tensed and looked at AE. "Um, actually, I have to go fight some germs. I'll be back as soon as I can, just stay here."

AE nodded, her eyelids drooping lower and lower. "Okee… see ya… be careful…"

U-1146 bolted away from the table, trying to find the source of the germs.

Ringing sounded out as the receptors of his fellow neutrophils also picked up on the disturbance. It was likely that there were multiple germs. U-1146 furrowed his brow. Did germs often get this far into the liver? The Kupffer cells would have taken care of that, wouldn't they?

Movement by some other booths caught his eye. From the nutrient baskets that some of the erythrocytes brought in, viruses floated out in search of victims. They looked like orange-colored multifaceted dice covered in bumps, and they moved through the air almost like ghosts. U-1146 never could tell if the viruses were living creatures or not. Viruses didn't taunt or fight like bacteria, they just… existed. And proliferated.

He whipped out his knife and slashed a lone virus from the air, but already a few others attached themselves to hepatocytes.

_**Hepatitis A:**_

_The Hepatitis viruses come in several types, and affect the liver. Hepatitis A is a less serious form of the virus, though it still infects hepatocytes and Kupffer cells. Hepatitis often spreads through contact with stool, making it very important to wash one's hands after using the bathroom and before preparing food!_

The infected hepatocytes' screams died in their throats as their eyes took on a glassy stare. U-1146 slashed another virus out of the air, pain in his mitochondria. Once infected, the hepatocytes were beyond saving. The uninfected screamed and ran.

He looked around for the infected hepatocytes, but he had trouble distinguishing them from the uninfected ones. Unlike other viruses, this one did not appear on infected cell's heads like a hat!

_**Hep. A Infection:**_

_When Hep A infects a cell, it wraps itself in the membrane of that cell. To further avoid detection, they use enzymes like protease to prevent the infected cell from presenting viral antigens to the immune system, hampering the immune system's ability to respond with a specialized attack._

"Hep… Hep hep. Heppahh… Hep…" the infected cells mumbled, shuffling towards their former colleagues in order to infect them. "Hep. Hep hep."

One of the infected cells moved past U-1146. Aside from the glassy eyes, he could just barely see what looked like a honey-orange piece of virus sticking up from the back of the hepatocyte's collar. U-1146 dispatched it, but even more cells were getting infected.

"Damn it," 1146 muttered. A good number of hepatocytes were already infected. They were too numerous for him and his squad. He'd have to call for backup. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the Killer T Cell squad, still crowded around Memory T Cell.

"Yo! Killer T!" he called.

Memory T was still curled up on the chairs, trying to block out the noise around him.

"Killer T!"

Memory T winced and glared in the direction of the voice. "It's _Memory_ T you numbskull!"

"Virus attack! Virus attack!"

Memory T's head snapped up. He jumped up from the chairs, wincing at the sudden movement.

He and the rest of his squad saw the viruses floating in the air and the infected hepatocytes roaming around.

"Rrr! False alarm my ass! Come on, boys, let's kill 'em dead!"

The Killer T Cells roared with approval and rushed towards the infected hepatocytes. The infected cells were no match for the Killer T Cells. Strong arms and bare fists bashed the infected cells into gooey pulp. Screams grew louder as the carnage spread. Defending the body was ugly work, but necessary. U-1146 hoped the hepatocytes would find peace in the next life.

U-1146 saw one of the Kupffer cells trying to fight as well. It seemed like she was having trouble, especially since it wasn't immediately obvious which cells were and were not infected. She had to look extremely closely, and even then he felt that some infected cells weren't showing any visible signs at all.

One of the infected cells rushed towards him, but he cut its throat with his knife and sent it reeling backwards.

U-1146 cringed, even as he slashed through infected hepatocytes. Focusing his gaze only on the task before him, he fought his way towards the exit and outside the club. Infected hepatocytes wandered the streets, and he could hear Helper T Cell's announcements over the loudspeakers. He could only see small numbers of immune cells fighting back.

He slashed two more infected cells, and saw his other three neutrophil friends rush out of the bar to help.

"Dammit!" shouted a voice nearby.

U-1146 turned around and saw B Cell furiously working on his antibody gun. A slain infected cell lay face-down next to him, its shirt ripped off. The virus, half-buried in its membrane, could clearly be seen on the dead cell's back. B Cell frantically compared various antibody components to the bumps and ridges on the virus' half-visible surface.

_**B Cell**_

_B Cells are a type of immune cell who create antibodies which aid in the identification and destruction of threats. _

B Cell muttered under his breath.

"B Cell! What's going on?"

The frustrated immune cell didn't look up from his antibody gun. "I gotta make new antibodies for this infection! I don't recognize them!"

"What about Memory Cell? He doesn't have any records?"

_**Memory B Cell**_

_Memory B Cells are special B Cells that record antibody information from previous infections or vaccinations for use in the event that the body is infected by that particular pathogen again. _

_Memory B Cells are different than Memory T Cells; Memory B Cells only aid in antibody creation in the event of reinfection, while Memory T Cells are deployed for the specific purpose of directly killing a pathogen the body has faced before. It may be helpful to remember the difference with an analogy; Memory B Cells are responsible for the tools needed for defense against a threat that has appeared before, while Memory T Cells are responsible for doing the actual defending against a threat that has appeared before._

As if in answer to his question, 1146 heard Memory Cell cry out in frustration.

"Useless! Useless, useless, useless!"

Memory Cell's outburst was followed by a dull _thunk!_ He was probably slamming his head against a wall, like he usually did when he couldn't remember something.

"I guess that's a no."

B Cell grunted. "You know that guy. He never finds what he's looking for the first time around. Remember the mumps invasion?"

An infected cell lunged towards B Cell.

"Look out!" U-1146 slashed at the attacker, dousing himself and B Cell in cytoplasm.

"Thanks for that."

U-1146 grabbed his radio and brought it to his mouth. "This is U-1146. We need backup in the liver. Unknown virus."

The radio crackled. "You're gonna be on your own for a bit. The body's dehydrated, it's gonna be awhile before we can get there!"

_**Dehydration**_

_Drinking alcohol causes dehydration due to osmosis, the diffusion of water through cell membranes. It is very important for one to drink water before, during, and after consuming alcohol!_

U-1146 slashed through two more infected cells. He dared not even think the jinxed question, "Could it get any worse?" The answer was yes, always, and asking that question was an open invitation for the universe to make the situation worse.

"Wait!"

U-1146's mitochondria froze in his chest. Did he accidentally think it?

"I found it! I found it!"

That was Memory Cell's voice. U-1146 sliced the throat of another infected cell and glanced behind him.

Memory Cell ran towards him and B Cell. He held his binder open in front of him, jumping over infected cells as they lunged at him. One infected cell ran between Memory Cell and the other two, spreading its arms and legs wide like a goalkeeper.

Memory Cell would not be stopped, however. While running, he dropped to the ground and slid underneath the infected cell's legs like a baseball player, grasping the binder to his chest. He slid to a stop beside B Cell, while 1146 dispatched the infected cell with a knife to the back.

"I found it!" gasped Memory Cell, breathlessly. He handed the binder to B Cell, keeping it open to the page he had found.

The page was titled "Hepatitis A," and it had a photograph of a dead cell infected with the virus, as well as instructions for the antibodies.

"There was a… _hah, hah_… vaccination a while ago," Memory Cell panted.

_**Vaccination**_

_When dead or weakened germs are introduced into the body for the sake of allowing the immune system to learn how to fight and produce antibodies against said pathogen. Vaccination, also called immunization, is very important in order to prevent serious diseases such as measles, mumps, whooping cough, polio, and the like. Thanks to vaccination efforts, the disease known as smallpox has been eradicated. _

"Great." B Cell got to work.

U-1146 continued to defend them from oncoming infected cells, but he began to tire. His throat burned, and he craved a drink of water. He noticed the air around him was very dry. Dehydration was setting in.

"Got it!" B Cell stood up and blasted the infected cells around them with his antibody gun. The infected cells staggered, the antibodies starting to affect them.

Now, it was much easier to identify infected cells from uninfected cells. The antibodies clung to the infected cells in clumps, marking them for destruction. Any non-infected cells hit with the antibody stream were able to brush the antibodies off easily, but infected cells found that it stuck like glue to them.

B Cell also shot the antibody stream into the air, hitting free-floating viruses and bringing them down.

It was heartening to see, but there was no backup in sight and the air was getting drier. The infected cells far outnumbered the immune cells. An ominous storm cloud hung in the air…

Wait.

A storm cloud?

U-1146 did a double take. Dark clouds quickly rolled in through the liver.

_**Treatment of Alcohol Poisoning**_

_Part of hospital treatment for alcohol poisoning involves intravenous administration of water and vitamins for rehydration. It may also involve pumping excess alcohol out of the stomach to avoid further damage to the body. _

The clouds obscured the liver ceiling. It began to drizzle.

U-1146 paused for a moment, just soaking in the rain. He felt reenergized. Gripping his knives tighter, he bolted forward, towards more infected cells, and raised his weapons.

He fought his way through the horde, catching glimpses of his neutrophil companions among the germs. Before long, more immune cells showed up. Killer T Cells, B Cells, Macrophages, all came charging into the fray.

Cutting, slashing, punching... Finally, the fight was decided. The immune cells killed the last of the virus infected hepatocytes, and the threat was no more. Kupffer Cells began to remove the corpses of the infected cells. The rain helped rise the gore from 1146's uniform. He stood still for a bit, catching his breath.

He looked back at the carnage. So many hepatocytes were infected. He crouched to the ground, bowed his head, and prayed. He prayed that the dead would find peace in the next life, and that the body would continue to be safe against threats.

When he finished, he stood up again, and began walking back to the club where he had left AE-3803.


	6. Chapter 6

NT-4201 grabbed her stomach and groaned. She had woken up groggy, at an unfamiliar table, and she felt like she wanted to vomit. She tried to remember what had happened and how she got there, but her head felt like mush.

NT pushed through the thick fog in her brain, going all the way back to the beginning as she tried to figure out what happened.

She remembered the sprinklers in the intestine spraying a weird, bitter-smelling liquid. She remembered feeling angry and irritable at being doused in it. The more time that passed, the more irritated she felt.

She remembered a group of neutrophils approaching them…

NT cringed as she remembered what she said.

_"Shut yer DAMN mouth, ya pale, stabby BASTARD!"_

_"Don't… don't call me Kouhai-chan, you moron!"_

The rude words she said flooded back to her as she remembered more and more from that night. After a point though, sometime after they entered the liver, she couldn't remember anything further. She tried, but she legitimately could not remember anything after karaoke was suggested. Did she go with them? Did she make a fool of herself singing?

Another wave of nausea passed and NT clutched her abdomen. She realized it didn't matter if she sang. She had already made a fool of herself when she berated her senpai and the neutrophils.

NT's face flushed. How could she possibly face them now?

She was so busy worrying about herself, she didn't notice AA-5100 trying to get away from the multiple erythrocyte guys who were trying to talk to her. Apparently she had danced and flirted with them the night before, and she had no idea why. Already a sizable fraction of the guys in the hepatocyte bar were trying to talk to her, and she feared that the number would only grow.

0-0-0

Upon reentering the club, U-1146 saw hepatocyte waiters and waitresses hugging and comforting each other. It was only natural; they had lost friends and colleagues, after all.

"Yo, eyepatch bangs!"

U-1146 looked towards the bar. The bartender hepatocyte waved at him.

"It's good to see you made it through," said 1146.

"You too. Honestly, we were lucky. We had a bunch of immune cells in here already, so we didn't get hit as hard. Thanks for saving us."

U-1146 tugged on his cap. "It's our job. I'm sorry about any of your friends or colleagues that got infected."

The bartender nodded somberly. "Thank you. I appreciate that."

The bartender went off to speak to somebody else, and 1146 went to find AE.

The redheaded erythrocyte was still asleep at the booth he left her at. She breathed softly, not stirring as U-1146 slid into the booth beside her. He groaned as he sat down, tired from the long fight against the infected cells. He wondered how long he had been fighting; it was hard to keep track of time.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He did not even notice that he was asleep until he felt himself being shaken awake by AE.

"Hakkekkyū-san!"

"Mm?" he groaned, slightly confused. His nucleus caught up with his body and he remembered where they were. "Oh, Sekkekkyū-san. How did you-"

"Hakkekkyū-san, I really need to go to the bathroom. Can you let me out?"

"Hm? Oh, yes, of course."

He got out of the booth and stood up, allowing AE to pass.

"ThankssomuchI'llberightback!" she said in one breath, bolting towards the restrooms.

_**Metabolism of Alcohol**_

_When the liver breaks down alcohol into a substance called "acetaldehyde," which is then further broken down into acetate. The acetate is then broken down even further, and leaves the body as carbon dioxide and water, either in urine, sweat, or by breathing it out._

It wasn't long before AE came back, holding her head. She plopped back down in the booth, and 1146 sat next to her.

"Are you okay, Sekkekkyū-san?"

"My head really hurts…" said AE.

A hepatocyte waitress passed by, pushing a cart of water bottles. Spotting AE, she took a bottle from the cart and placed it on the table. It was the same hepatocyte that had taken AE to get dressed, and who AE called "magical."

"Drink some water," she said. "It'll help."

_**Hangover**_

_A hangover occurs due to dehydration after consuming too much alcohol, as well as the liver having to process more alcohol than it efficiently can in a short amount of time. Symptoms can include nausea, headaches, gastrointestinal problems, and more. Pacing oneself to no more than one drink per hour, avoiding drinking on an empty stomach, and staying hydrated help minimize the chances of a hangover. _

"Thanks, miss… um, where are we?"

U-1146 frowned. "We're in the liver, Sekkekkyū-san. Don't you remember?"

She took a sip of water and winced, holding her head. "Remembering hurts right now. Why are we in the liver?"

"The body consumed alcohol last night. The alcohol in the bloodstream affected the erythrocytes, so we took you to the liver to detox."

"We?"

"Myself, 2626, 2048, and 4989. Your senpai and kouhai are also here."

"Oh…" AE took another sip of water. The hepatocyte moved on to another table.

AE looked down at herself. "Huh? Hakkekkyū-san, where's my uniform?"

"When we came in your uniform was soaked in alcohol. A hepatocyte waitress took you to the changing room and gave you that. If you go ask the one who was pushing around the cart, I'm sure she'll tell you where your uniform is."

AE stood up quickly, and winced again. She pressed her hands to her head for a second, then picked up her water bottle and took another sip. U-1146 moved out of the way for her again, and she walked unsteadily towards the hepatocyte.

He belatedly realized that she was pronouncing the word "_hakkekkyū"_ correctly again. He grinned. Hopefully, her recovery would be quick.

0-0-0

The hepatocyte with the cart guided AE back to the changing room area, where there were racks of freshly laundered erythrocyte uniforms. The hepatocyte found the uniform labeled "AE-3803" and handed it to AE, who entered one of the changing rooms.

AE was groggy and disoriented, and a thumping headache made her want to sit down and go right to sleep. She slowly changed into her uniform, and returned to the waiting hepatocyte. She placed the clothes she had been wearing into a hamper.

"I'll take you back to that neutrophil. He was hovering over you all night, making sure you were okay!"

AE grinned. "Yeah, he's special."

They arrived back at the booth and AE plopped down next to next to 1146. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I've got to get going, but it was nice meeting you! Have a magical day!" The hepatocyte waved and departed.

AE waved after her. "Thank you!" she called in a hoarse voice. She nuzzled into 1146 some more.

After waiting for a bit, AA and NT approached the two cells, both of them once again wearing their erythrocyte uniforms. AA had dark rings under her eyes and a deep frown, while NT looked a little pale and somewhat nervous. They sat down at the booth across from AE and 1146.

"I hate everything," said AA.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm being told that, apparently, I showed romantic interest to almost everyone here last night. And I also feel nauseous. Ugh." She slumped over and laid her head on the table.

"Um, Senpai, I just wanted to apologize," said NT. She looked down at her hands. "It's fuzzy, but I kind of remember saying mean things to you and your neutrophil friends. I'm really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me." SHe glanced at 1146. "Both of you. I'm really sorry for anything I said."

AE looked at NT with sympathy. "Aww, Kouhai-chan, you don't have to worry! I don't even remember anything!"

U-1146 nodded. It was nice to get an apology, and it wouldn't do anything to hold NT's inebriated actions against her. "Mm. You weren't yourself. It's all in the past."

NT's shoulders relaxed, and she let out a small breath. "Thank you. Thank you both very, very much."

The rest of the neutrophil squad came up to the booth, talking amongst themselves. NT turned to them, tensing once again.

"Um, excuse me…"

The three neutrophils looked at her. She stood up and bowed to the neutrophils.

"Um… I just wanted to say sorry… for yelling…"

All three neutrophils cocked their heads.

U-2626 looked like he may have been squinting at her. It was hard to tell with his bangs. "You seemed pretty angry last night. Why was that?"

NT rubbed her arms. "I uh, I don't like to be… unprofessional. I guess all that tension just came out. Again, I'm really sorry, it was wrong of me."

The three neutrophils looked at each other and shrugged.

"I guess we forgive you," 2048 said. Both 2626 and 4989 nodded as well. U-2048 offered his hand for a handshake. "Water under the bridge."

NT shook his hand, and her shoulders began to relax again. The idea that she let out all her pent up frustrations… she felt so embarrassed. She also felt conflicted. The immune cells around her still made her feel uncomfortable, but she realized that they had accompanied her and the other red blood cells all night, just to make sure they were okay. Maybe they weren't all so bad? But they were so brutal…

NT decided to put those thoughts aside. She did not feel up to puzzling this out now.

"Anyway, you all feeling alright now?" asked 2626, addressing all the erythrocytes.

"My head hurts, and I'm super tired, but I think I'll be okay," said AE.

"I'm just a little sick. Nothing some glucose won't fix," said NT.

"Kill me," moaned AA from the table.

U-2626 grinned. "Not feeling so hot, miss popular?"

U-2048 chuckled as well. "Yeah, you seemed to be having a ton of fun out on the dance floor last night!"

"You sound a little hoarse, too. Did you strain your voice while singing karaoke?" said 2626.

AA glared at them. "One more word, and I will gut you both with your own knives."

The smile died from their faces. Although there was no way that AA could actually follow up on that threat, they didn't want to get taken by surprise by an angry erythrocyte. They remembered what happened to Memory T. He was fine, but that kick certainly was painful…

Even if there was no way she'd be able to permanently hurt them… better safe than sorry, right?

"S-sorry…" said 2626.

U-2048 gulped. "We were just joking."

"You're not funny." With that, AA put her head in her arms and blocked out the light.

AE chuckled a bit at the scene, and took another sip of water. "Hakkakkyu-san, I really don't remember much of anything. Can you tell me what happened?"

"You really don't remember anything?"

"Nope, not really…"

U-1146 considered this. "Well, when you're feeling up to it, I did promise to take you to play with some lactic acid bacteria…"

0-0-0

The neurons groaned. Pain sensors indicated that the body had a throbbing headache. The light coming in through the eyes was too bright, even with the eyelids closed. Light still flooded in, reflecting off the pale walls of the hospital room.

Warnings kept popping up on their computers about nausea, swelling, and various other aches and pains. It was very difficult for the neurons to do their job properly when they were bombarded with so much stimulation. A pinch indicated an IV drip inserted into a vein in the left elbow.

An astrocyte came through with a cart of water bottles.

"Why did we do this to ourselves?" one of the neurons asked as she passed.

The astrocyte shrugged. "I guess we just have to make sure this doesn't happen again."

The neuron groaned. "Easier said than done. Fricking Decision Division never seems to learn from its mistakes."

The astrocyte smiled. "Well, when it learned that a hot stove plus the body's hand equals pain, they quickly put a stop to that. Hopefully this experience will act as a deterrent from… overindulging…"

The neuron snorted. "Yeah, right. Next you're gonna tell me that this body can fly, too. We may keep away from alcohol for a while, but next time we go on a social outing like this again, we'll be right back to square one."

The astrocyte shook her head and sighed, still smiling. "People can change. This experience will at least give the body pause before attempting something like this again. It may be small progress, but it's progress nonetheless."

"Hm. Maybe you're right." The neuron looked back at his computer. "At least it's Saturday. I don't even wanna _think_ about the hell we'd be going through if we had to force the body to work like this!"

The astrocyte giggled. "Hopefully it'll just be an easy day today."

"Don't jinx it."

The astrocyte smiled wryly. "Just make sure to stay hydrated, Mr. Neuron."

She began walking to the next neuron. After a crazy night, it was finally time to rest and take it easy.

However, even though the body was resting, the cells, as always, were still hard at work.

* * *

_**Epilogue**_

"Come on, Hakkekkyū-san!" AE-3803 said, dragging U-1146 along by the arm.

"Are you sure you really want to do this now?" he asked.

"I don't remember anything from last time we did it! Everything's all fuzzy and weird! I wanna remember it this time!"

The white blood cell sighed as he followed AE into the hepatocyte bar once again. There was no alcohol in the bloodstream anymore, but all blood that picked up nutrients from the small intestine had to go through the liver anyway.

The Kupffer Cell outside let them in, and AE brought 1146 to the bar. The bartender hepatocyte, still in her stylish vest and fedora, was wiping down the counter.

"Red! Eyepatch bangs! Good to see you guys again!"

AE-3803 blinked when the hepatocyte said "eyepatch bangs," but put that thought aside. "We'd like one karaoke room, please!"

The bartender pointed behind them. "Just follow the Magical Girl."

AE and 1146 turned. Standing behind them was the hepatocyte that AE had called magical.

"Am I right in assuming you'll want the bottomless glucose?"

AE licked her lips. "Yes please!"

"Follow me!" The hepatocyte led them down the hallway labelled "Karaoke."

"I'm curious," said AE, "why did she call you 'Magical Girl?'"

The hepatocyte smiled. "An erythrocyte that I helped to change clothes once told me that it felt like magic when she saw herself. Since then, it kinda stuck."

"Oh, wow, that's so cute! You must have made her feel so special!"

"Yes, that erythrocyte was super cute," the hepatocyte giggled. "She was super excited, too."

"I'd love to meet her sometime!" AE said.

Following behind them, 1146 had to cough to keep himself from laughing. The hepatocyte shot him a sly, knowing glance.

They passed by a few other karaoke rooms. One of the rooms had the door ajar, letting 1146, AE, and the hepatocyte hear the music clearer and peer inside. An erythrocyte with auburn hair braided into a plait was singing a fast-paced, adrenaline pumping song. U-1146 recognized her; it was AC-4293.

"_I like it, I like it, _

_I like it heavy! _

_I like it! I like it! _

_I like it heavy!"_

"Wow, she sounds so good!" said AE. "She's really giving it all she has!"

"_Some like it beautiful, perfect and pretty!_

_I see the good in the bad and the ugly! _

_I like it heavy!_

_Woah-oh-oh!_

_I like it heavy!_

_Woah-oh-oh!"_

A spectator in the room was clapping and cheering, but he was out of view of the door. It was hard to hear over the music, but 1146 thought the voice of the cheering spectator sounded familiar.

"Woo! Wooo!"

"Is that 4989?" asked AE.

U-1149 looked at her, then back towards the room. He still couldn't see who was in there; the door was only halfway ajar, and the person was sitting at a spot in the room that couldn't be seen from their angle. Still, now that AE pointed it out, there was no doubt. That was U-4989, in a karaoke room listening to AC-4293 singing a very fast, very intense song.

The hepatocyte walked up to the door and pulled it all the way closed just as the erythrocyte finished the song. Whatever 4989 and AC were saying behind the door, 1146 couldn't hear it.

"Just a friendly reminder, please keep the doors closed when you are singing. We don't want the sound to disturb any other groups."

AE and 1146 nodded. "Of course."

They turned down another corridor and finally arrived at an empty karaoke room. The hepatocyte turned on the machine and left to get the glucose. AE-3803 picked up a microphone from the table and blew into it, testing to see if it worked. An amplified _-puff-_ came out of the speakers.

"Wow, this is so cool!"

U-1146 nodded. "Yep."

The hepatocyte returned, set a large bowl of strawberry glucose on the table, and promptly left the room, closing the door behind her.

"I'm excited to hear what your voice sounds like, Hakkekkyū-san! What song should we sing first?"

U-1146 rubbed his chin as he thought. "Hmmm…"

They had sung a lot of fun songs that night. Maybe the _Beauty and the Beast_ song? But that was a duet, and it seemed like AE wanted to listen first.

As he thought about which song to sing, one performance in particular stuck out to him from that night. He wouldn't pull it off nearly as well as 4989, but he would still probably entertain AE. And that was the goal, at least.

"There's this one… sit down, I think you'll enjoy it. It's called _Renai Circulation_…"

_**The End.**_

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_I hope you enjoyed this! I thought it would be fun to have the RBCs get drunk, and how they'd behave. I really enjoyed writing the different interactions here. The song AC-4293 is singing is _I Like it Heavy_ by Halestorm, as suggested to me by Mira Avis. Mira is a writer here, and AC-4293 is her OC! I asked her for a song AC would likely sing, and she suggested this one. I highly recommend reading her stories, because she is a great writer and friend!_


End file.
